


The ways of the Sominari - Fen'an's journeys through the fade

by DeaTenebrae



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: #SolavellanHellArtChallenge2020, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Solavellan Hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:08:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 7,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23703625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeaTenebrae/pseuds/DeaTenebrae
Summary: Chapter 1: Day 4 - "The Fade"  - Lavellan meets Desire.Chapter 2: Day 16 - "Dreams"  - Lavellan finds herself in an ancient forest of ElvhenanChapter 3: Day 13 - "Teacher Pt. 1"  - Solas thoughts about his studentChapter 4: Day 10 - "Arlathan - Chapter 1 - A Marvellous Dream"Chapter 5: Day 10 & 13 - "Arlathan - Chapter 2 - Streets of Arlathan" & "Teacher Pt.2"Chapter 6: Day 10 & 21 - "Arlathan - Chapter 3 - Palace of Ghi'lan'na'in" & "Halla"Chapter 7: Day 10 - "Arlathan - Chapter 4 - A Familiar Face"Chapter 8: Day 10 - "Arlathan - Chapter 5 - Games"Chapter 9: Day 10 - "Arlathan - Chapter 6 - Waking The Wolf" *editedChapter 10: Day 10 - "Arlathan - Chapter 7- Echoes"*editedChapter 11: Day 10 - "Arlathan - Chapter 8 -  Ar Lath Ma"Chapter 12: Day 11 & 17 - "Arlathan - Chapter 9 - A Friend-ly Spirit" & "Best Friend" & "Spirit"
Relationships: Female Inquisitor/Solas (Dragon Age), Female Lavellan/Solas, Fen'Harel | Solas/Female Lavellan, Lavellan/Solas (Dragon Age), Solas & Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 16
Collections: Solavellan Hell Art Challenge 2020





	1. The Fade - Desire Spirit

**Author's Note:**

> Please note, all of these texts are first - second draft state. if you have any suggestions please contact me (I'm trying to improve my english as well as writing with this challenge, so any help is appreciated)
> 
> up for another kind of dream?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this story takes place a while after Solas had left the first time (after Corypheus but before Trespasser)

Fen’an was not a natural dreamer, but more aware than most mages that explored the fade. She had been taught to perceive the tiny differences between the fade and the waking world. The whole scenery always a little blurry on the the edges of the vision -- kind of out of phase. Another difference was the music -- neither wind nor water played the tunes she used to hear in the walking world. 

Spirits seemed to have something similar to emotions, something her senses picked up -- a drive, a need, a purpose. That particular impression gave away spirits in every form or disguise.

Knowing oneself was crucial when dreaming in the fade. Acknowledging that the spirits were only caught in their own nature, was helpful as well. A spirit of Desire greeted her once, in form of her heart’s greatest desire. Knowing her own desires very well, the spirit held no power over her. Still she spent time with it, though it was very hard to look into the eyes she longed to let herself drown in, to listen to the spirit whisper softly with the voice she missed so much. The words she wished to hear echoed in her mind, the temptation to let go just for that one kiss weighed hard, but what the spirit offered was not real. She played its game, accepted her own desire, let it flow free -- but never engaged.

Desire let her go in peace after their conversation. It was pleased with the outcome without having actually tried to possess her in any way -- a spirit was not always the demon commonly expected. This was a lesson learned from the very man, whose image she had talked to. Desire in this form _offered_ , it did not force.

* * *

Solas watched the encounter from a distance, ready to engage if necessary. Fen’an had learned much since their first and fateful talk in the fade. Her connection to the fade was strong enough to influence parts of her dreams, but mainly her powers were restricted to herself, likely due to her immense self control and focus. Still he was surprised that she stayed and engaged in a conversation with a spirit of this kind -- even fully aware the temptation a spirit like desire offered, was a hard test for anyone’s determination.

The form the spirit took was his own. His heart ached to see love and pain burning in her eyes, in her effort to fight down the urges tormenting her visibly. His fault, for he had not been strong enough to withstand. His failure, for he had not been able to withdraw in time.

The spirit showed clearly that he was the reason she suffered. It also showed that his late withdrawal had not ignited the fire of rage within her as intended -- a fire that would have helped cauterize the wounds of the loss. She still hurt, both of them did. His fault, his failure.

It surprised him even more as the spirit let go of her and she simply walked on. Her will was stronger than his own.


	2. Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up for a dream in the forest of old Elvhenan?

The dreams were more solemn since Solas left after their defeat of Corypheus. They had walked the fade together in the times before, often hand in hand as lovers or in endless talks as teacher and student -- and occasionally, a combination of both. Even after more than a year, she missed his company in the fade, missed the stories, the lessons -- the teacher. The fade was an interesting place on it's own, even alone, it sent her to very interesting places sometimes. Places she remembered, but also curious and often bizarre locations she had never been before. She had no real power over the realm she was walking in -- or the events displayed, but she held control over herself and what happened directly to her. This way she could walk the dreams the fade and its spirits spun for her -- partake, observe or move on. The way Solas had taught her.

This time it was a beautiful scenery of an ancient forest she walked in. Trees were overgrown with moss, the canopy was a dense mesh of branches -- layers over layers of leaves, mossy vines and boughs left the sky invisible. Over the whole forest laid a shimmering green light without any particular source. The view reminded a bit of the emerald graves, but it seemed full of life and untouched, like a virgin forest no man ever laid its hands on -- a magical, enchanted forest. Far away she made out moving shapes -- most likely spirits or animals -- but they never came close. Fen'an just followed the way that was laid out in front of her -- there always was some kind of path in her fade-dreams, as if the fade wanted to show her something particular. Walking around the mysterious landscape, she observed unknown, glowing insects in the air, the plants and trees were none she had ever encountered -- even the sounds seemed outlandish and distorted here. Most of the plants were huge, but if you looked underneath, there were smaller, more delicate ones in their shadows or entangled with their stems or roots in perfect symbioses. Living harmony.

A rustling sound not very far behind her claimed her attention, a skewed noise of breaking wood. She turned to look for the sound's origin, but there was nothing out of place in her view, so she walked on. The mossy parts between the stones under her bare feet felt like walking on the finest carpets -- not even the ones in the winter palace could compare to the soft, lively and almost caressing feeling of the moss enveloping her toes and feet. After a few turns of the way -- when she halted to watch a bud on the side of the path, that bloomed to the most beautiful flower with petals shining iridescently in a matter of minutes and then withering only to blossom again in an endless cycle -- she heard the sound again, but decided to ignore it. Fen'an continued to marvel at the wonders of her unique surroundings along her way. The sound seemed to follow, so she decided to trick whatever was on her heels at the next suitable turn of the path. She hid in the shadows of two huge moss-covered trees and a vine so immense that at least five big men could hide behind without any trouble. It gave off a dim green glow, and was most likely one of the sources of the strange lighting around. Fen'an waited and watched the path behind her. At first there was nothing, not even the strange moving shapes she had seen further behind. When she was about to laugh at herself for her own skittishness, a shadow moved aside the path's turn. 

From her position this side of the path was only partly visible, just parts of the furry coat of a large animal was in view. It took all of her courage to step out of her hiding place and face whatever animal was on her trail. 

The large wolf on the side of the path froze, staring at her. It's grey eyes met hers -- eyes she would recognize anywhere. Endless clouded skies. She took a step forward, but did not move. She tried another one -- still she stood on the very same stone she had stepped away from. If she hadn't known before, this proved who was hiding behind the beautiful animal. "Talk to me,  _ vhenan _ " she called out, but the wolf turned away as she woke in her bed. 

Fen'an could not help but to smile -- he still cared. 


	3. Teacher Pt.1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first part of "Teacher". It took me a bit, because the second part got entangled with Arlathan and Arlathan is holding me captive, so, I decided to release the first part.

Once he noticed her presence in the fade, the temptation to visit or take over was hard to resist. 

In times that now seemed centuries ago, he had taken control of her dreams frequently, since Fen'an expressed her wish to learn to tread the fade's paths and explore its secrets under his guidance. He had taught her some of the ways of the Sominari, the dream walkers of ancient times. 

In the beginning, he had lead her attention to the differences between the two worlds, so she’d learn to distinguish it on her own. Showed her different kinds of spirits and lectured her about their true nature and how it affected the fade and the dreamers within it, so she understood the world she was walking in.

A smile curved his lips when he thought about her, listening to his memories and explanations with bright eyes, absorbing every piece of knowledge like sponge, always asking questions -- and oh so many of them. The curiosity and thoughtfulness she displayed, were part of the reason he had fallen for her in the first place. They were the qualities of a good student and he had enjoyed to be the teacher once more, as he had been before the war, the evanuris -- the veil. 

When Fen'an listened, she did with all of her senses -- her eyes took in subtitle clues of a person's body language, her ears listened to the words, the intonation, her senses told her of the emotions the information was delivered with - and received by the people around. She took in all of it and her mind had developed its own way of piecing it all together to a whole. This way she had a unique view on things, and often surprised the people working with her -- himself included. With him, one of her sensual inputs -- the emotional part -- was absent and still she surprised him with the way her thoughts often went. In the waking world with her decisions, in the fade with her questions that proved the quality of her understanding. 

He missed the way she looked to him for answers, that she valued his opinions highly enough to discuss matters with him, even though he had never been one of her advisors and was technically just another apostate mage, of which she had half a circle. She did not always act on his advice but she took it into account and this only showed the quality of her leadership. He would have been disappointed if it were otherwise -- Fen'an had never been a marionette, but in her dreams. Knowing her personality, he got why it bothered her to be 'held captive' in a dream as she put it -- she needed to be free, it was one of the reasons he agreed to teach her. He missed the way he could watch the questions forming in her eyes while he spoke, the way she held them back until she thought the timing right. Over the course of their visits to the fade, she had developed a little game with her questions. She knew exactly how to formulate and present her more playful questions for maximum impact -- and he marvelled in her creativity, loved to give in and lose her game and himself in these wonderous eyes with the suns around the endless depths of their cores. In a way his student had taught him -- to let go, at least for a few moments in time. 

Fen'an's connection to the fade was strong, despite being no dreamer. Strong enough to influence parts of her dreams, but mainly her powers that were restricted to herself, rooted in her strong ability to focus. With the anchor, she could have done more, going beyond her own dreams, shape them -- or defend herself against experienced Sominari like him. Had he shown her. It worked to his advantage that she did not know of the true power the anchor held within the fade. This way, she could not just shut him off or work against his shapings of the dreams around her. With his knowledge, he was able to blend into the worlds she walked, hiding unseen as she eyed every little detail of the worlds around her curiously. He could influence a dream she was already in, create a new one, show her places out of his memories or simply observe her progress as a student. Every time he observed her encounters with spirits, he readied himself to intervene, but she had learned so much, cared so deep that he never had to -- and it made him wonder.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is not exactly what I wanted it to be, but I hope I can make up for it
> 
> The second part will be entangled in Arlathan, which I hope will let me out of its fangs soon.


	4. Arlathan Pt. 1 - a dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Technically this contains Pt. 2 of Teacher
> 
> This story took me somewhere... The characters decided on some points (more than one!) that they wanted something different than I had in mind - they rewrote the whole story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first part went as planned, but my dear Solas, who initially should not have taken part in this dream other than as observer.... (see end of the notes)

It was a fascinating dreamworld, Fen’an was walking in tonight. The scenery alone gave away the nature of her surroundings. This was a place unlike any other she had ever visited. With every tap of her feet, the pearly, almost transparent walkway high above the earth lit up, glowing in a soft light -- it felt like walking the air, instead of solid ground. The star-spangled night twinkled with thousands of stars above her, the crescent of the moon seemed a little off-angled and bigger than it was in the world she grew up in, but this was just one of the peculiarities of the fade. The moonlight lit the mighty trees of the enormous park-like site below. Glowing crystal spires were twining trough their branches and the intricately designed fountains pulsating with soft light made the whole scene seem like a magical paradise. It was a fun dream, this one. She loved it when her dreams took her to unimaginable places like this. Enjoying the strange melody that hummed through the air and the soft light under her feet when they hit the walkway, she froliced. It was the first time she heard a melody in the fade. 

When he created memories of Elvhenan in the fade, he told himself it was to show her a part of the life she should have lived, so she had the chance to at least catch a glimpse of the world lost to her. The world he was to going to restore. Deep down he knew, he wanted to see the knowledge-hungry look in the features of his former student again, witness the joy she took in observing all those wonders -- be as close to her as possible, at least for a few moments. 

Recreating this part of Arlathan for her, had been more than difficult, for it held too many memories. The melancholy of its loss weighed heavily upon him, as he watched her explore her surroundings with childlike curiosity. A smile betrayed his wistful mood, as she threw her hands in the air and played a glowing pattern on the walkway with her steps, turns and jumps. It looked like a gleeful dance, but he knew she would fend off this assessment vigorously -- Fen’an hated dancing. 

He played with the thought to join in and elucidate the noteworthy characteristics of Arlathan to her, just to experience her joyous excitement from up close. But if he showed himself, she would ask the questions he avoided and he would have to block her access to the memory of the dream to not compromise his plans -- or her. Thus robbing her of the experience he solely created for her. 

There was an old Sominari-trick he could use though, he just hoped he would get the intensity of the spell right. He had to take the anchor into account -- it would interfere with the spell. If he got it right, she would experience him and the world around almost as one of her usual dreams and keep most of the memories. Too intense and he’d walk with a nearly tranquilized dreamer, too weak and her questions would force him to retreat. It was was a gamble, but one worth the risk. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...decided against my will, that he wanted to play teacher again. So everything went down a whole other way from here.


	5. Arlathan - Chapter 2 - Streets of Arlathan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lin'sila = student, learner

Fen’an walked through the open golden gates at the end of the walkway, leaving the magical park-world behind. The intricate ornamented glass archway was infused with small veins of lyrium-like glowing crystals. When she passed the gate, she felt a sudden pressure on her mind, as if something weighed it down, making the scene around her seem cloudy, like an old memory. 

  
A young man, dark dreadlocks draped to a knot, then cascading down the back of his otherwise short shorn head, clad in expensive fur-lined robes greeted her, presenting himself as her guide. She could not see his face, as it was blurred underneath what seemed to be an intricately ornamented upper jawbone of a wolf, complete with teeth on a chain, that was fashionably woven into the dark locks -- its front teeth extending over his forehead. It reminded her of something, but she could not grasp the thought. It felt, like her mind was filled up with a fog, dense like a thick liquid that slowed down every thought. Without thinking about it, she followed the mysterious guide through wondrous streets, bordered with strange runes that lit the way when you came close -- light enough to find your way, at the same time so faint that the starry sky above was clearly visible.

The blurry man was very quiet at first, as he guided her through the night, waiting patiently when she stopped to look at details on the ornamented walls, that seemed to be built with a form of magically enhanced stone she had never seen before. The stones _felt_ as she touched them, felt strangely alive -- the way the stones in Skyholds basements felt, but different. Where Skyhold wanted to be a peaceful home, the the buildings she touched here, seemed to want different other things -- as if they had a personality. It confused her, with her mind slowed down. This confusion must have shown in her face -- her guide helped out after watching her touch and examine every wall in a row, explaining that the buildings were constructed magically by its inhabitants over many years to create their perfect home. He redirected her gaze to an area where many different slightly glowing castles with crystal spires were kind of hovering over the city on their stony basements. She had never heard of flying buildings in the fade -- except the black city and stories of... "Is this…? Can you tell me the name of the city we're in?" The guide chuckled amused, "This, Lin'sila --", he made a dramatically wide gesture with his arm "-- is Arlathan". Something about the title tingled in the back of her head but Fen'an did not question it further. Arlathan! She walked the streets of _the_ Arlathan! The city, the legends claimed, Clan Lavellan originally derived from. The city Solas had told her so much about. 


	6. Arlathan - Chapter 3 - Palace of Ghi'lan'na'in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lin'sila = student, learner
> 
> This also will be my contribution to "Day 21 - Halla"

Ghostly people walked by from time to time, they were transparent, almost invisible and didn't notice them -- one even went right through her. "The streets were busy day and night, don't mind them, they are but shadows of memories". A sad tone laid underneath the words. He lead her to fountains one more beautiful than the other, each representing an own theme. Some of them even talked through their mounds of water with gurgling voices and splashing laughs. The fine water drops drizzling on her face tingled lightly as she closed her eyes to savour the feeling and the sound of the water. It cleared up some of the fog in her mind. They went through mysterious rune-clad columns, shining golden halls and even a palace-like building, dedicated to the halla, with the most beautiful and lively frescoes -- wonderful moving depictions of halla roaming serene landscapes in groups or alone -- gracing its walls. It was dedicated to Ghi'lan'na'in, mother of halla, chosen of Andruil, her guide told her. His version of the goddess’ legend differed, to the one she knew. “The stories I tell you, are not mere legends, Lin’sila.” Again, this title.  


A statue of a halla with majestic antlers took in the center of the room. Fen'an almost cried out in surprise, as it nuzzled her hands, like a real halla would, its cold, stony skin soft and smooth. The halla did not speak as some of the others could, but it conveyed  _ something _ through its eyes, she could not point a finger to. "The stone here, it is more than just stone, it lives, it has personality?" Fen'an muttered more to herself, caressing the stone figure that obviously enjoyed the simple gesture. "Did they enchant the stone or is the personality some kind of imprint of its creator, formed during the creation process?" 

"There was no veil in this time, Lin'sila, many things are possible when fade and reality are one and the same. The 'personality' formes during creation, yes, but it is a little more complicated than a simple imprint. Explaining the whole process would take too much of our time, I'm afraid. Come, there are still many things I'd like to show you." 

She saw ballrooms so pompous that the ones in the Winter Palace looked cheap in comparison, parklike places the elves of old times used solely for conversation, libraries without any book, where information had been passed on through memories, eluvian-like portals which lead to different parts of the city -- what fascinated her most of all, was that this big city felt so alive with all the plants and trees, flowers and benches. The way nature and city intertwined seemed harmonic, almost symbiotic. Fen’an loved the stories and the lively pictures the words of her guide painted -- it reminded her of something. The fog clouding her mind retreated slowly but still she couldn't get hold of some thoughts and memories. Her guide went on to show her the next curiosity and she followed excitedly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how long will the spell hold her mind?


	7. "Arlathan - Chapter 4" - A Familiar Face

Portraying the guide after all the time of watching over her from afar was a lot harder than he anticipated -- had he thought about it with a clear mind, he would not have engaged. He knew it was not right to be there, not right to cloud her mind so he could steal a moment of her company, quench his thirst for her unique and open, almost innocent perception of the world he wanted to show her. He enjoyed their little tour, the wonder in her eyes, her joyous curiosity -- but it was not the same. She did not look at him the way she always had, saw only the spell masking his face -- still with bright eyes, but not with the same light that usually shone within them. Not the same kind of smile gracing her lips when she listened, asked. More than once he had to hold himself back not to reach out, take her hand, pull her into an embrace. No, he could not touch her. He already slipped in calling her Lin’sila, though he was relieved that he did not use the word that lay on his tongue… _vhenan_.

If he wanted to continue this masquerade, he had to be more careful. Too many questions would wear the spell out, with the anchor and a mind like hers...

Fen’an’s eyes focussed from the magical fresco she was looking at back to him with a squint. She stretched out her hand and touched his cheeks with her fingertips, so lightly that it sent a shiver down his spine. _No_ , he thought, as she moved a step closer and looked up to him. He should have moved away, but her gaze held him captive. Slowly she tilted her head, eyes staring into his own and her features lit up with a smile curving her lips -- _the_ smile, _his_ smile, the one she reserved for him and him only. He closed his eyes to break the spell she held over him, he knew he had to leave now. The lesson was over, she had overcome the spell. 

“Don’t go, vhenan.” Fen’an pleaded while her fingers gently caressed his cheeks, traced the jawline of the much younger version of the man she missed so much. It was him without any doubt -- those eyes were unmistakable. The fog in her mind cleared. Whatever questions rose within her, she fought them down. He was here, right in front of her and nothing else mattered.

“Stay - I won’t question, I promise. Just…” her voice lighter than a whisper, as if she knew what was going on inside of him. She pressed her forehead to his chest, the way she always had done, when the consequences of her decisions as Inquisitor had been weighing down on her -- showing her vulnerable side, that she hid from most people's eyes. The deep breath that followed, could have also counted as a sigh. He noted that she left him the option to retreat -- usually, this gesture was accompanied by arms around his waist. “...grant me this moment?” she continued, breathing the words onto his chest, tearing at his resolve. Indecisiveness stunned his movement, a deep involuntary sigh escaped his lungs. He'd missed this simple act of trust, and it reminded him of many of such moments they had shared. His fingers ran through strands of silvery hair before he could even think to hold them back. His arms betrayed him by pulling her closer -- too close to resist any further. No escape from the trap he had set for himself. 

Fen'an savoured the familiar feeling of his heart beating against her forehead, she could hear its fast rhythm pounding through her head -- a sound, that even with its accelerating beat, was soothing beyond words. She had often forgot the world around in moments like these. Right before she felt his light touch on her hair, the rhythm changed, slowed down from its frantical beat when his arm settled on her back - to a fast but steady drumming. Not wanting to spoil the moment she did not dare to move when she felt the other arm wrapping around her waist, closing the gap between them when pulled her into the all too familiar embrace. Taking a slow and deep breath, she savoured the moment -- the warmth of his body, the pounding rhythm, the feeling of his arms enclosing her. Ironically, in these arms she felt secure, even though she knew she should not. He would pull back again, as always, she knew him too well. He feared her questions, feared he would have to explain himself -- feared she would get past his walls again. If she wanted him to stay longer, there was only thing she could try. And there really was _so_ much to see alone in these halls…


	8. "Arlathan - Chapter 5" -  Games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not entirely happy with it, and to me, it feels like almost too much fluff, but here we go -

Gentle arms on his back completed their embrace, fingers caught in the fabrics of his tunic, the pressure of her forehead to his chest, the light brushes of air when she breathed out, the feeling of having her so close in his arms again -- every little detail of this moment he took in, savoured, to remember for the rest of his life, for he knew the embrace would have to come to an end at some point. He braced himself for the impact her stunning eyes would have on him and hoped he would be able to summon up enough will to leave, let her explore the world further by herself. 

For a while, none of them moved beyond breathing, both dreaded the end of the embrace -- one afraid to leave, the other, to be left again. Neither willing to let go of the moment. 

An unreadable but most alluring smile pursing her lips she looked up to him, hope glistened in her eyes. "Will you... still show me the rest  _ Hahren _ ? There is s--" It was too much -- her being so close, the lips he longed for only a stretch away, asking the right question with an innocence in her voice and her damned shining eyes -- this woman knew him all too well. 

Lips cut off her words with a kiss so intense, that it made all words seem pointless, it told so much more than he would have -- and not only because his mental guard broke off in the last few seconds. It spoke of a longing that only had grown in time, his usual repressed desire so obvious as he devoured her mouth and their tongues interweaved, one hand pressing her against him as if he'd never wanted to let loose again, the other entangled in her hair, tracing the curve of her ears sending shivers through her whole body. This was a kiss unlike any other, her toes curled as a wave of his desire hit her, just before the wall built up again and Solas slightly stiffened -- as if he remembered himself. Sorrow in his eyes as his lips retreated -- only to kiss her again, but ever so softly this time, slow, as if to savour every touch. 

"I missed you ma Lin'sila." he said, while he gently caressed her face tracing the curve of her lips, the light dimples of her cheeks and her chin. He needed no answer, he already knew -- the expression in these beautiful features, love still burning within soul-piercing eyes, unbroken, even after all he’d put her through, spoke volumes. 

"Ir abelas, vhenan. I forgot myself…" 

Fen’an just smiled at that, with an almost unnoticeable shake of her head, her eyes conveying deep understanding. "Let us continue our tour then?" He proposed, still lost in the mysterious depths of those eyes, waiting for her to move on. Her smile only broadened before he realised his mistake, cleared his throat and reluctantly loosened his grip around her waist. Fen'an winked with one eye, an amused little smirk on her lips as she walked on to the rune-clad columns that awaited them. He watched her move away a few paces, asking himself what had gotten into himself. But when she half turned back to him, eyes beaming with a question, one hand pointing to the columns, the other invitingly stretched out to him, he followed.

She could not wipe the grin off her face completely, usually it was not that easy to bring him out of his countenance, sadly the wall around his emotions was always stronger in the fade. Hours went by as they walked the magical streets of Arlathan, ghostly looking people all over the busier palaces and streets. He showed her so many sights and she marvelled at all the knowledge, the ancient history of her people, playfully teasing him with her questions -- the way it had been when he still taught her of the ways of the fade. She remembered these lessons as fondly as the intimacies shared in between -- it had become a fun game then, and she loved to continue it now. 

  
  


On their stroll through Arlathan Solas noticed just how much he missed the way she looked at the things he showed and told her, all the questions she asked to deepen her understanding. Just how must he missed to teach this unique mind. He missed the way her eyes lightened up when she marveled at things of beauty or listened to one of his lectures about the places they were at, the people who once lived there. He missed the way she took his hand, dragging him excitedly behind her to the next sight or pointing out details he had not mentioned yet. Tonight, she was ruthless with her questions, and tempted him more than once successfully -- she knew exactly how to, and his resistance to her ways was weakened since the first kiss, when he almost lost control. She teased with her innocent games, unaware of who she played them with. He had to remind himself, that she basically was a child in front of the wolf, he tried his best to restrain since the first moments of their tour. Even if she displayed the same exuberance as always, he saw the sadness hidden in the depths of her eyes. He should not be here, this only tore open wounds, that were still too fresh. But how to step away, when every fibre of himself urged to stay? How to find the will, when only one look out of these curious eyes let every shred of his resolve crumble? 


	9. "Arlathan - Chapter 6" -  Waking The Wolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edit 2021: I took out the parts that were not canon. I couldn't leave them this way - it's just not right, I am sorry if anybody liked it, but it wasn't really good anyway ;-)

"I am very curious what fascinating stories you will tell me of this one" Fen'an's voice sounded more than amused while she dragged him closer to examine the very lively fountain dedicated to the more carnal part of love. "So... the Elvhen were eternal…" she began, with a playful expression and an overly interested look at the detailed depictions of the moving stone-figures. "... most parts of their lives were ruled by customs, you said? So tell me of these --" her eyes caught his gaze "customs, _Hahren_!" her lips pursed to a playful smile, brows lifting up in question -- a mischievous glimmer in her daring stare. "Don't spare the details!" 

A few questions later, some of them whispered into his ears from behind while he answered the previous one, his resolve was dangerously weakened. She had driven her game too far by then -- innocence aside. The next time she took his hand to tow him to the following part of the huge fountain, he found himself capturing the teasing prey -- and this time, the wolf did not let go. 

Instead of following her, when she took his hand and thought about the next question that could bring him to stumble over his own words -- this fountain with its erotic depictions gave her all the best opportunities -- he pulled her back so vigorously, she almost fell into his arms. Fen'an noticed that something in his eyes, his posture, the way he held her -- and even his smile had changed. Lips and tongue playful when he started kissing her. He did not stop at her lips, showering her neck with kisses and an occasional gentle bite, sending jolts of joy through her body. The hungry stare out of those grey eyes made her shiver even more as he drew her closer to let her feel exactly how much he wanted her, while his lips and tongue started going down from her ears to her lips and back to her neck again. Wherever his lips touched her skin, a tingling, almost electrifying sensation bloomed, spread out like drops of rain rippling the surface of a perfectly still lake. Breathing heavily against her collarbone, he suddenly stopped within the movement, and his head sank to the crease of her neck. For a moment his grip tightened even further before a sigh ran through his body. Before he could say the words she didn't want to hear, Fen'an soothingly caressed the back of his neck. This wasn't her first try. "I went too far, forgive me.", she said soflty after a few moments had passed. "No, vhenan.", he whispered to her surprise, and lifted his shaking head to look at her with this pained expression she knew for so long. "Forgive me. You deserve so much more than I can allow myself to give." 

It was Solas' turn to look surprised when she just smiled in return as he caressed her cheek, wishing for another world, where this — all of it — was not so hopeless. 

Dark heavy clouds of rain formed in the grey skies as the wistful darkness returned to his eyes. For a fraction of a moment he seemed to shy away from her touch when Fen’an mirrored the gesture, tenderly brushing over his warm skin. "And so do you.", she whispered and moved to stop the objection that was already underway. She poured all the love she felt into the kiss she placed on his lips. An innocent one, though it seemed to leave him frozen, silently staring down at her. Fen'an would have given anything to break down his walls in that moment, to share and lighten the pain he felt. She knew, in the end he would walk away again, leaving both of their hearts to bleed alone. 


	10. "Arlathan - Chapter 7" -  Echoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EDITED 2021 - same reason as last chapter

The wolf within - the animalistic impulses that came with the indwelling of a body - still howled in protest. She, the focal point of all his personal desires, had almost cut it loose from the leash he held over it since she woke it from its long slumber. But whatever his heart or body desired, it wasn't right to engage any further. Not under these circumstances — not, under false pretenses. And this was neither the place nor the time for the conversation he dreaded the most. The truth, at least the part that concerned her, would have to wait. 

Fen'an despised lies, even if she knew they were necessary under some circumstances — but what he had to tell her, was way beyond a simple lie. He wasn't ready to lose her just yet — to see the weight of his truth break the fragile mortal faith she had in him to pieces and further with every demasked half-truth and lie — no, he wasn't ready at all. If he would ever be. And there she was, innocently claiming, to know what  _ he _ deserved, when in truth, she and her people should hunt him down for all he’d done and would have to do. He was the nemesis of her world, a truth he could not wash away, and this simple fleeting kiss of hers almost brought him to his knees. This hopeless love was dangerous for both of them. Time stretched as Solas watched her slow retreat. The kiss, still tingling on his lips, felt ineffably final. With every inch she moved away, his heart tore a little further. 

[WIP]


	11. "Arlathan - Chapter 8" -  Ar Lath Ma

They walked the glowing streets silently, hand in hand -- both of them entangled in their own thoughts. Fen'an did not want to push him, so she repressed her questions. A memory rose, from a time that now seemed ages away, when he had shown her that he could take memories out of a dream -- because she dared him to by not believing it possible. 

His expression growing sader with every step they took, every hall they passed made her fear exactly that -- would he erase the memories of Arlathan along with the rest of their whole night? 

When they came into the room he lead her to, Fen'an saw nothing at first, but a blinding sphere. When her eyes adapted to the brightness, she saw there were two lights of different hues -- one blue, one green -- encircling one another, chasing each other, coming closer and getting further apart as if in a dance. The lights entangled, forming a pattern, weaving into each other then slowly parting again, engaging in a new slightly different cycle. The whole scene had something warm and calming about it. She felt his arms closing around her from behind, a light kiss on her neck before his head nestled to hers -- one of the small gestures, she missed the most. "This one is called ‘love‘, vhenan. Two spirits in an eternal dance." His voice was deep, full of sorrow and regret. To savour the feeling of his arms around her, his ears and cheeks brushing against hers, she fought down the growing fear and watched the lights in their dance. 

"Don't make me forget, please." she had to swallow hard to stop the tears from falling. Solas turned her around, sorrow clouding dark grey eyes -- they spoke for him, as he did not. Only his mouth tightened slightly. It was enough of an answer.

"I understand…" Fen'an said, looking down the halls they just walked in, to the light's dance, eyes full of loss. "Thank you Hahren, even if I'm not going to remember. This night was…" she tried to smile, but the thought of losing the memory of it all, made it a sad one. A hand on her chin made her look up into stormy grey eyes. "Ar lath ma, vhenan" he whispered, before he pulled her into a final kiss. 

The whole night through he had seen how deep the wound he had torn open by showing himself went. Though Fen’an had tried to hide the pain, it had been evident in her eyes. She felt too deep. She had to forget, but he would always remember. 


	12. "Arlathan - Chapter 9" - A Friend-ly Spirit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was an idea for Spirit and Best Friend, but Arlathan stole it :)

"Ar lath ma, vhenan" echoed in her ears as she woke in her bed at Skyhold. She touched her lips where she felt the kiss still linger.

Frantically she tried to recall her dream, but it slipped away -- until not even the words remained. Something told her that it had been a beautiful and a sad dream. That she had no memory of it, could only mean that she must have discovered her nightly watcher again, he was the only one capable of erasing memories of a dream. But why? She still remembered discovering the wolf in the magical forest.

"Tangled fates meddle with magic. You cried inside, when you knew you wouldn't remember" Cole appeared, sitting on the edge of the bed looking at her sadly. 

"A good morning to you as well, Cole! Always a pleasure to wake up and find you sitting on my bed." Fen'an said, with an amused wink of her eyes and looked at her friend, the boy that had grown so much over the course of their journey together. He always appeared, when he felt she needed him. Cole had spent so much time with her after Corypheus’ death and her discovery of Solas' disappearance, that it had become easy to talk and easier to understand his sometimes cryptic seeming answers. Without him, she would have left the Inquisition after fulfilling her duty -- he helped her see, that she still was needed. She loved the way Cole tried to understand and help the people around, even after his transformation. He made Skyhold a better place, though his methods brought confusion at first, they had found ways to work around that. 

Whatever had happened in the dream, was lost to her now. Yes, she felt sad about it, but was her friend here to console her about the loss of a dream? 

"I don't understand. It hurt him. He wanted you to know." 

Cole looked puzzled, the way he often was, when people’s decisions confused him.

"I saved some of it. For you." ashamed he looked away, as if he had done something very wrong. "You told me not to watch. But it would  _ help _ , if I showed you." 

Fen'an's features lit up, she grabbed Cole -- who didn't quite expect such an excited reaction -- into an embrace and kissed both of his cheeks. 

Cole had always been fascinated about her way of perceiving and processing the emotions of other people and had asked so many related questions in the past and whenever they came to mind -- for him, she was the expert on emotions and he learned through her. Fen'an was fascinated by his will to understand and more than often she boasted out in laughter when he asked about private matters of her companions or advisors -- especially Bull and Dorian. Through her and the other members of the Inquisition, this spirit had learned so much about what it meant to be one of the living, that she saw spirits altogether in another light. They were not unlike children, they did not know any better -- they had to learn about the living, just like the living should learn about them. For her, being around Cole was refreshing compared to the steady flow of emotions of normal people -- like with Solas, it was calm. Her senses picked up only his purpose, his will to help and sometimes she felt him puzzled by situations. He was like one of her little brothers -- she taught him the way of the living, and he helped her by helping her cope with all the weight on her shoulders. In a way, he had taken over for Solas, not as a lover -- but as a friend, a companion, a shoulder to lean on. With his fascinating way of perceiving the world, Cole was both teacher and student to her. She loved her other friends dearly, but this boy was special. With him, she was able to be herself without any interfering emotions -- and he understood, what it meant to be an empath better than anyone else.

A single tear slid down her cheeks, when Cole lifted his hand off her temple. 

“Did it not help? Your pain is greater than when you woke.” 

“No, no. It is a good hurt, Cole. Thank you for showing me. Just, give me a moment, please. I’ll explain it to you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this took me a while and i hope it turned out somewhat okay. I know I have not the skill of some of you out there, and if anyone has suggestions on how to improve it/my writing - please feel free to contact me via PM.
> 
> if you read this far, than thank you for joining me on this long journey. I hope you enjoyed it at least a bit. :)


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